"Ring Ring" Are you really there mom?

Being a mom this last week taught me that me to be present in the moments, especially when they involve family.
I know you all have missed me this last week. Please put your Kleenex away, because I'm back, there's no need to cry. Ryan and Brayden were gone for a week in Missouri and so I may have been a little consumed with them when they returned.  I was acting like so much had changed in the handful of days he had been gone. I swear to you, all the sudden Brayden was looking like a teenager ;)
For a few days after they returned, I didn't want to miss a moment and every time I would see him laugh or crawl or poop (ha ha, you know the red eyes), I would be right there smiling like I had just witnessed a one-of-a-kind act. A few days after, as things became more normalized around the house, I was feeding him his bottle before bed, and I caught myself trying to send some work emails on my phone at the same time. I don't know why it caught me off guard, I know I do it all the time, but in that moment I realized that often I am not present with the time I share with Brayden and probably Ryan as well. Does it take them leaving the country for me to want to ravish all those special moments. Let's face it, the email I was sending could have waited another ten minutes, goodness, it could have waited till the next day. But the moments I have with the special people in my life, whether family, friends, or pets those are taking place right in front of me!
Sometimes I think we feel like childcare is so much "work" that we forget to really enjoy it. Brayden is actually pretty hilarious right now. He's mischievous and completely adorable. To choose my phone over him, well honestly it's insulting. I get upset with Ryan if he can't take a second to look away from the hockey game to listen to me  (or basketball game...or football game...really any game on ESPN), and there's really no difference with me doing the same thing to Brayden. I'm in no way am I'm saying we don't need breaks, we are only human! But when those breaks are finished, do we actually take in the moments after that?
Life is amazing and so precious, and this last week has reminded me once again of that. So here's to SELF IMPROVEMENT! I don't care if you're a mom, an aunt, a brother, a dad, etc, I think this applies to everyone! You can choose your own goals, but the hope for myself is that I close my computer, put away my phone, open my arms and heart, and roll my sleeves up so I don't miss the good, the bad and the ugly little moments God has given me.

Cough! Cough!...Call 911!

This last week taught me that being a mom means hearing my son cough and automatically thinking he has pneumonia. So I quickly call our pediatrician and beg them to squeeze me in for an emergency check up!
"Your son just has a cold. Sorry, he is not old enough, we can't give him anything for that. It will just have to take its course."
I really like our pediatrician but when these are the OH SO comforting words that come out of her mouth, I have a mind to pin her up against the wall and threaten to choke her with her own stethoscope. This reaction could have been due to lack of sleep or just the plain heartbreak that is caused when I hear Brayden coughing and then crying because it hurts. I thought nothing would be more painful than hearing Ryan complain about being sick, but I stand corrected. ;)
So how does one know when to really go to the doctor? I know there are the standard rules about when their temperature is over 100 degrees, if they haven't pooped in like 5 days or something, if they start looking possessed like the Children of the Corn, you know, the every day-well known rules...but often times I think we should follow our gut, and just make that little trip to the doctors. I figure that the worst that happen is you walk out with peace of mind. I obviously understand that a doctor's time is precious but sometimes I would just ask the them to understand a first time mommy, and please do their job - check their throats, check their ears, check their tummies, and Yes please, give me a coupon for free goodies from the pharmacy.
Now when I'm sick, I believe a hotty totty is the solution, but I guess I can't mix a little rum into his bottle...or could I...? :) Anyone want to share natural remedies on curing your little one's colds?

Baby and Bills! Child Care...ugh.

So this last week taught me that being a mom means forking over a quarter of your income to childcare and pretending that it doesn't feel like a knife jabbing into your stomach (Add insult to injury...it's my post baby stomach).

We are blessed. Let me start with saying that. We are sooo blessed. Not only do we have everything we have but Ryan has also just gotten his Canadian residency, so he is here legally and is allowed to start working!

Having said that it means we will also be needing child care in the soon future. I was all bright eyed about finding the perfect place for my little angel, but within an hour of calling around I was starting to feel like someone in the Universe was watching me, pointing and laughing.

My two options were:

Option #1: Go to the Provincial Listings for Licensed places and being put on waiting list. "Luckily" we had already done that. We have been on waiting list for approximately 8 months now...ugh. This will get us a lovely price of around $25-$30 a day, making it $500-$600 a month.

Option #2: Go to a private child care facility, where they can charge anywhere from $35-$40 a day. This gets you a lovely price of $700-$800 a month.

I don't even want to give the annual budget for that, because it hurts too much. Let's just say that we are going to have to start travelling to the tanning salon for tropical vacations and purchasing Mac n Cheese for Italian date night. Perhaps I am exaggerating a bit, but it is quite a shocker when this reality does hit you.

I panicked for a few minutes. Ryan panicked for a day...he might still be panicking. I mean the last thing someone wants to do is look for  "bargain" on child care, right? It's like buying a Groupon for skydiving, it makes you a little nervous. You kind of want the best quality of service when you're a thousand feet in the air and throw your body out of a plane. Like that, childcare to me is something I don't really want to skimp on. My child will be in this daycare more than they are with me, so it's pretty important that it totally rocks!

So I guess we just have to embrace the new reality but as I walk around a supermarket or the mall, I feel like $ signs are floating from children's heads.  We have found a couple places that have an opening and look like it would be worth every cent, so I'm trying to be very postive about this. But is there any advice out there? How do you cope with handing over your baby and your bills?

Me cry? No... can you pass me a kleenex?

Extra Extra! Read all about it!
BRAYDEN SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!! ALL WEEK!!
So last week taught me that being a mom means staring at your baby monitor, tears building up, waiting for your son to wake up because you missed him since he went to bed. 
So this morning, Brayden woke up and I was EXCITED! So excited! I believe I skipped over to his crib, singing a tune in my head, he smiled at me, I picked him up and said, "I missed you!" Why is it that being a parent has made me into a bi-polar woman?
It's like this...one moment I'm exhausted, talking like chipmunk with Mr. Bunny (Brayden's best sleeping friend) willing Brayden to sleep so I can go change into clean clothes that don't have sweet potato crusted on them. The next moment I'm perched at the edge of his crib, watching him sleep like some kind of stalker, tears of joy filing up in my eyes, hoping he'll wake up.
I'm kind of a control freak, so not even being able to control myself is mind boggling sometimes. I'm sure someone warned me about this hormonal dysfunction that has now become My Personality, but I would like to pass on my experience to others so they are not so startled.
Ladies, mothers, mothers-to-be, and more...I HEAR YOUR CRIES...and let me tell you...It's okay.
It's okay if you start crying because your baby never sleeps through the night, or because you didn't have a chance to get a work-out in this morning and now feel bloated, or because you can't find a clean shirt in your closet, or because half your hair has been pulled out by your baby, or because your husband didn't understand you needed sweet potatoes, not regular potatoes. Its' okay.
And guess what? It's also okay to cry when your child does sleep through the night, or because he plays with your hands when you feed him his bottle, or because he laughs like a hyena when he's in his jumper, or because he did the cutest thing with his lips, or just because the child smiles at you. It's okay.
As I see it, it's okay to cry...whenever, however (even that embarrassing snot running out of your nose cry), for whatever reason that little angel gives you. The only other option is that I'm insane, and have completely lost my mind...and I don't really like that option very much . Everyone knows that I'm totally normal, so I guess this emotional dynamic is too. You don't have to take my advice on this, and you cal tell yourself, "When I become a mother I will that totally cool person that keeps it all together and is always fabulous!" but when you start feeling like a stalker, psychopath, menopausal woman, give me a call, we can go to Starbucks, grab a coffee and cry about it. 

What's your Happy Meal?

Being a mom to me means blatantly ignoring people's advice and feeding Bradyen almost everything on my plate.

Oh oh oh...the "extra" advice I have received on what to feed my child. Don't feed him too much fruit! Don't feed him too much meat! Don't feed him anything with spices. Are you really feeding him avocado? Are you really feeding him beef? Are you really feeding him Wasabi?...hee hee, jk..

I truly believe that to each is their own. For example, a lot of people use store bought baby food and good for them, but this is one little thing I like to do on my own. You should see the lovely combinations you can make with sweet potato, chicken and strawberries. I get into my kitchen, and for just a few moments I become a "Julia Childs" kind of woman. Julia Childs would probably roll her eyes at me for comparing me steaming and "Magic Bullet" pureeing vegetables with her delicious cooking. But I really do love it. This may be because I end up eating a good 25% of Brayden's food (a conversation for another day) and I actually want to think it tastes good...I know shocking!

Sometimes I even like to sneak strawberries and apple sauce into his other food to sway him into eating. OHHHH people don't like that. If you feed him sweet stuff, he won't like other stuff. NEGATIVOOO! (That's a word right?) This little trick has actually helped him try more things. SO THERE!...woops, teenager in me just came out.

Sometimes I want to look at the judgmental looks and say, Excuse me,  I'm not judging your ugly shoes so don't judge me feeding my baby! I created a HUMAN BEING for goodness sake! Perhaps this is my own diluted confidence but I think it's important for parents to remember that with a little common sense we might be able to figure out how to KEEP THEM ALIVE. Just because people have different tactics doesn't means they are bad or good, simply different.

Quite frankly, as long as the tummy aches are at a low and there are no burning bottoms, well then I'll sneak a little gosh darn strawberry into his chicken if I want to.:) In the back of my mind, I feel like if Brayden starts exploring different flavors right now, he might be a bit more adventurous in the future. Maybe he will be more willing to travel one day...maybe he'll know more languages...or maybe he'll have his own restaurant  with a baby friendly menu that's entitled "The Real Happy Meal."

Sleep Tight...Don't Let the "Silence" Bite!

This week has taught me that being a mom means:

A full night of uninterrupted sleep is not as sweet as I had thought.

Ryan and Brayden are in Missouri right now. I miss my little family. I remember when I left them there, I said goodbye and Ryan said to me, "Enjoy sleeping".

Ugh! I should be mad at him because he totally jinxed it. Since I have been home, I have gotten to sleep straight through the night. Beautiful right? NOT!! I have woken up completely exhausted. A couple nights I couldn't even get to sleep till 2 am. My perfect sleep has not happened and in fact has left me more tired than before.

Apparently waking up at 2 am, and dealing with a crying baby, formula all over my shorts and dogs wanting to go outside is my perfect recipe for a good night sleep. Now I'm counting down the days till I see my family and even though I will complain the first night Ryan tells me it's my turn to get Brayden in the middle of the night, I will secretly be smiling.