Manic Mondays

As Ryan walked out the house this morning he's all handsome in his professional clothing (not covered in puke) and looks at me with his cute blue eyes, "I wish I could stay home today. It's raining and I'd love to just hang at home with you guys." I looked at him and said, "Honey...I love you, that's sweet but You have no idea."

Mondays...they not only have a sting in the regular working world, but they also can make you want to pull out your hair if you're staying at home with your little ones. Why? you ask. WELLLLLLL All weekend your kiddos' have had the attention of both parents. Going out, getting stimulation, not necessarily taking their full naps because we are sharing special FAMILY MOMENTS. By Sunday night, little ones are exhausted with the SUPER fun weekend they had.
Monday arrives. Daddy leaves. In my world...Mommy is outnumbered: 2 to 1. By 9:30 I've changed 4 diapers, two poopy ones that were so bad I had to take them directly outside. When I come back in after 10 seconds, Brayden has Caleb in some kind of WWE body slam. Caleb is crying, so Brayden cries even harder. Even the magical juice that always makes Brayden happy is thrown across the kitchen (I'm so happy that he has the arm of a MLB pitcher). Juice on the floor, Brayden in time out and Caleb begging me for a bottle. And all I need to do is pee. So I'm screaming from the bathroom for Brayden to stay in time out and then switching to my soothing voice, Caleb, mommy is coming with a bottle. ACK!!!! This sequence goes on again in a different format, and I decided that Brayden is acting crazy because he's simply tired. As I'm taking him upstairs, looking somewhat like a cavewoman bringing home her prey, I remember that last Monday was like this and we had to have a double nap day.
AHAH!! MONDAYS!! They are so tricky. You come from having such an amazing weekend that maybe all the bad behavior has been stored up for Monday morning between 6am-12pm. So it's official...Mondays are tough. Two naps might be quite necessary in a toddler's world. I won't plan on cleaning the house until the afternoon nap (what's the point).
For all you mama's of one little guy under the age of a year and you're dying to have another one because all those sweet little moments you're sharing right now,  I say PREPARE YOURSELF. Don't get me wrong, the second little guy is the most amazing thing in the world, but you forget that when you have the little one, another human has been growing in the mean time and wants even more of your attention. When they don't get it: BOOM!!!!gallons of milk on the kitchen floor (haylee), babies you thought were sleeping are covered in poo (Niki), your kids are playing in the toilet (Jen), or my favourite, they are throwing around all the laundry you just spent an hour folding.
Here's the irony though. All Brayden has to do is give me a kiss after, or even better, give Caleb a kiss after and I'm back to square 1, putty in his hands.
I'm starting to think that motherhood is a kind of like that really ridiculous high school relationship we all have had ;)
s

My Beautiful Messy Life...

What is this sticky stuff?
Aaahh I need a break!!
Tear tear, I miss them so much!!
What is happening?! Who am I?
Thank you God, I'm so blessed!
God grant me the patience...

Yep there are basically a million sentiments I'm feeling every single day when it comes to being a mother to my beautiful boys. I honestly feel like I'm a crazy person because I'm emotional roller coaster. Anyone that knows me probably knows that I want it all. Here's the crazy part... I think I can actually have it. I want to be the mother that can go to work and be a successful career woman, have many dates with my hubby and be a good wife, and work out enough to be a hot mama, and have oodles of time with my babies where we play and embrace eachother as they tell me how much they love.
Reality Check: I'm a mother who does love my job but shows up to work with an extra large coffee in hopes that one day I'll get a raise- not to be a successful career woman- but to be able to afford putting two kids in daycare. My husband and I have maybe 2 dates a month, pretty good right?!, but one usually consists of us sitting in front of a nice restaurant where I then convince my husband to go to McDonalds so we can eat quick and get some sleep because the week has kicked out butts. My work outs at home usually consist of Brayden crawling on my back as I try and do push ups till I eventually start laughing and then hurt myself, so I end up watching Ellen and shoving some chocolate in my mouth. And my time with my babies usually consist of me telling them how much I love them, Caleb throws up on me and Brayden slaps me in the face (That was a great day)
So...to any people that wonder why my emotional status is that of someone who has recently left the ward, those are the reasons. But I admit it, put me in a straitjacket, because I am CRAZY. But I'm crazy about this dysfunctional life I lead. I left the house this morning for church and peaked into the living room and it honestly looked like a tornado had hit from the morning play session. My mind said...we'll have to clean this up when we get home, but my heart took over and a smile came over my face. That space was full of love. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. That living room represented my crazy messy beautiful life and LORD I couldn't feel more blessed. THANK YOU!
P.S. I of course came home and tripped on some Lego and almost cut my foot. Parenthood..
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If only I was a Slinky...

ACCK! So today I fell down the stairs. For any of you that know me well, you're probably giggling and  thinking..."Not surprising Steph, you're kind of a klutz". Here's the thing, I had Caleb and Brayden both in my arms. We usually have a stair system, but Brayden started playing on the stairs so I just picked him up. It actually was terrifying. It was one of the first times that mommy instinct came over me physically. I felt like I went sledding down the stairs and it was all slow motion. I remember trying to keep my arms elevated enough in hopes that the boys wouldn't get hurt.  Here's the thing, no matter what you try to do with your body, if you're going down, the little ones are going down too.
GOOD NEWS!! Everyone was okay. I'm pretty sure I let out a huge yell at the bottom of the stairs and I could not manage to get up, so that sure didn't help my poor babies. But physically they were okay. I think I checked their bodies over like 10 times, making sure each hair was exactly where it was before. I really can't believe how much it scared me and yet how little control I had over their well being for a split moment.
As I thought about it for the rest of day, I realized how it was an incredible metaphor for parenting as a whole. Often times we put ourselves second to such an extent that we don't notice ourselves losing our balance. And once we fall, we may not be in full control and we become aware of how much it affects our children. I notice it sometimes when Brayden has been testing me all morning and instead of taking 5 minutes for myself to unwind and breath and process it, I make myself believe I'm super mom and suck it up. Not more than 5 minutes later I've over reacted and Brayden is in timeout because he had snot on his face. Alright...perhaps that exact example hasn't happened, but you get my point.
These kids...these babies...these humans...they are completely dependent on us. It's a whole new responsibility that shocks me probably once a week because it's completely unrealistic that a human should raise another human, isn't it? Shouldn't God himself be helping my children go down the stairs!!
It's such an incredible gift but this experience really reminded me that I'm a mother, and even the smallest things like going and down stairs have whole new meanings. As a mother I also need to make sure that I'm okay as a person, as a wife, as a woman, to make sure that my babies have a person who is stable and ready to be their guide, otherwise I might lose my balance and the fall might be painful to both myself and my family.
So that's what I'm working on personally...as for the stairs and the boys...don't worry it's not like I'll make them wear a helmet or anything when they go down the stairs...just maybe knee pads...maybe elbow pads...alright alright and a mouth guard ;)
P.S. I'm thinking my butt will be a lovely shade of purple tomorrow.

Mommy is a dreamer...

The other day Ryan and I were playing Lego's with Brayden. Brayden is pretty serious when it comes to his Lego building...what can I say, it kind of makes me proud inside to be his mommy when he builds a huge tower, ha ha. In any case I looked at Ryan and said, isn't it amazing that he will get to be anything he wants to be. I looked at Brayden and repeated the same message to him.
Ryan cut off my daydreaming with these words, "Well let's be honest, he can't really be ANYTHING he wants to be. I wanted to be an NBA player and that never happened" Although it made me laugh at the time, it was like a shot to the heart.
Some may say I'm a dreamer... and I know that I do have this unbridled and probably unrealistic view of life, that if you want something bad enough you can get it. I believe people have big dreams, small dreams...whatever, but go after them. Although my version of my dream has somewhat changed over the years (I used to want to write for Hallmark, until I learned I had to live in Kansas City to do so...darn), I look around at my life and I have to pinch myself sometimes. To me I'm living the dream, our family, my work, our home, our travels, etc...yes along the way I had to make some sacrifices, there were amazing times and challenging times but I do believe I worked hard and had a support system of people around me who continued to believe in whatever my dreams were - realistic or unrealistic as they could have been.
So I guess Ryan and I will choose to complement each others ways of supporting our kids. Ryan will remain the realistic father who will be honest with their child about certain talents (so they don't end up a contestant on American Idol who thought they could always sing because their parents told them they were good when in actuality...well you know), but I will probably always remain the dreamer, and hey if my sons have a dream of being an NBA player and they have showed me they have worked hard enough for it, you better believe I will be stocking every NBA scout trying to get my babies through the door and on that court! I guess I'm just that kind of mommy...

Here is a little something I put together a while back, but thought I would share :)

"Caleb, I want to talk to you about something very important..." 

One day you're going to do amazing things!
Like walk and talk, and explore the amazing world! Look up there Caleb!"

"Caleb, are you paying attention?!"

"Brayden, my fingers smell like milk"
"Caleb focus! As I was saying..."

"I wonder when I'll get my milk..." (-Caleb)
"You know Caleb, as your big brother, I'll always be there for you..."

"...milk, milk, milk..." (-Caleb)
"Caleb, pay attention!"
"Brayden, is it Milk time?"

"Mom, Caleb isn't paying attention!!"

"Hmmm...was that a Yes or No?"

To travel or to not travel???

The Holidays are officially over! sad face, sad face, sad face...but the 2014 is looking amazing! happy face, happy face, happy face. Now that I'm back in the swing of things I wanted to make a post today on something I realized during our time together. Ryan and I were fortunate enough get to travel with our family this holiday and apparently we are suicidal so we drove a 16 hour drive to Missouri (which turned out to be 18 hours), packed the car with all of our stuff, Christmas gifts, two boys under the age of 2 and two puppies. Yep insanity.
So for my post today I would like to apologize to any parents I have ever judged for having kids crying in an airplane, for running after their child through the airport, for looking like a crazy person with diapers flying around the change table area at the gas station and just in general to parents I have judged during travels. I now understand it is definitely a lot more challenging than I ever imagined!
Here's the ironic thing...it was also surprisingly so much more fulfilling than I ever imagined. I realized it became a lot easier when I actually decided to have fun with it. Even though I don't know a whole lot about parenting I did learn a little something and I wanted to pass it on. Oftentimes if you actually try to enjoy the traveling (for example bringing games that you would both actually like, watching a movie that you both actually wouldn't mind watching, etc) actually made the trip so much more special.
I was also hoping I could ask you all our there to give those parents a break sometimes an airplane. I don't know how Ryan and I were so fortunate, but we got to have the "good kids" on the plane (it only took me singing itsy bitsy spider about 40 times). There was another little guy on the plane with us and he was ferociously crying for about 3 hours and my heart was breaking for his mom and dad were trying every single thing they could think of and for the little guy whose ears were probably killing him. Sometimes there are uncontrollables, but I promise you the parents dealing with the kiddo's that are crying are going through a lot worse than you are, so just put some headphones on and give them a break. Trust me...you don't want Karma getting you on this one!
In any case I just want to give a shout out to everyone and say Happy Holidays, Happy New Years and like good old Ellen DeGeneres says "let's start to be kind to one another" including strangers and our children! :)