Manic Mondays

As Ryan walked out the house this morning he's all handsome in his professional clothing (not covered in puke) and looks at me with his cute blue eyes, "I wish I could stay home today. It's raining and I'd love to just hang at home with you guys." I looked at him and said, "Honey...I love you, that's sweet but You have no idea."

Mondays...they not only have a sting in the regular working world, but they also can make you want to pull out your hair if you're staying at home with your little ones. Why? you ask. WELLLLLLL All weekend your kiddos' have had the attention of both parents. Going out, getting stimulation, not necessarily taking their full naps because we are sharing special FAMILY MOMENTS. By Sunday night, little ones are exhausted with the SUPER fun weekend they had.
Monday arrives. Daddy leaves. In my world...Mommy is outnumbered: 2 to 1. By 9:30 I've changed 4 diapers, two poopy ones that were so bad I had to take them directly outside. When I come back in after 10 seconds, Brayden has Caleb in some kind of WWE body slam. Caleb is crying, so Brayden cries even harder. Even the magical juice that always makes Brayden happy is thrown across the kitchen (I'm so happy that he has the arm of a MLB pitcher). Juice on the floor, Brayden in time out and Caleb begging me for a bottle. And all I need to do is pee. So I'm screaming from the bathroom for Brayden to stay in time out and then switching to my soothing voice, Caleb, mommy is coming with a bottle. ACK!!!! This sequence goes on again in a different format, and I decided that Brayden is acting crazy because he's simply tired. As I'm taking him upstairs, looking somewhat like a cavewoman bringing home her prey, I remember that last Monday was like this and we had to have a double nap day.
AHAH!! MONDAYS!! They are so tricky. You come from having such an amazing weekend that maybe all the bad behavior has been stored up for Monday morning between 6am-12pm. So it's official...Mondays are tough. Two naps might be quite necessary in a toddler's world. I won't plan on cleaning the house until the afternoon nap (what's the point).
For all you mama's of one little guy under the age of a year and you're dying to have another one because all those sweet little moments you're sharing right now,  I say PREPARE YOURSELF. Don't get me wrong, the second little guy is the most amazing thing in the world, but you forget that when you have the little one, another human has been growing in the mean time and wants even more of your attention. When they don't get it: BOOM!!!!gallons of milk on the kitchen floor (haylee), babies you thought were sleeping are covered in poo (Niki), your kids are playing in the toilet (Jen), or my favourite, they are throwing around all the laundry you just spent an hour folding.
Here's the irony though. All Brayden has to do is give me a kiss after, or even better, give Caleb a kiss after and I'm back to square 1, putty in his hands.
I'm starting to think that motherhood is a kind of like that really ridiculous high school relationship we all have had ;)
s

My Beautiful Messy Life...

What is this sticky stuff?
Aaahh I need a break!!
Tear tear, I miss them so much!!
What is happening?! Who am I?
Thank you God, I'm so blessed!
God grant me the patience...

Yep there are basically a million sentiments I'm feeling every single day when it comes to being a mother to my beautiful boys. I honestly feel like I'm a crazy person because I'm emotional roller coaster. Anyone that knows me probably knows that I want it all. Here's the crazy part... I think I can actually have it. I want to be the mother that can go to work and be a successful career woman, have many dates with my hubby and be a good wife, and work out enough to be a hot mama, and have oodles of time with my babies where we play and embrace eachother as they tell me how much they love.
Reality Check: I'm a mother who does love my job but shows up to work with an extra large coffee in hopes that one day I'll get a raise- not to be a successful career woman- but to be able to afford putting two kids in daycare. My husband and I have maybe 2 dates a month, pretty good right?!, but one usually consists of us sitting in front of a nice restaurant where I then convince my husband to go to McDonalds so we can eat quick and get some sleep because the week has kicked out butts. My work outs at home usually consist of Brayden crawling on my back as I try and do push ups till I eventually start laughing and then hurt myself, so I end up watching Ellen and shoving some chocolate in my mouth. And my time with my babies usually consist of me telling them how much I love them, Caleb throws up on me and Brayden slaps me in the face (That was a great day)
So...to any people that wonder why my emotional status is that of someone who has recently left the ward, those are the reasons. But I admit it, put me in a straitjacket, because I am CRAZY. But I'm crazy about this dysfunctional life I lead. I left the house this morning for church and peaked into the living room and it honestly looked like a tornado had hit from the morning play session. My mind said...we'll have to clean this up when we get home, but my heart took over and a smile came over my face. That space was full of love. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. That living room represented my crazy messy beautiful life and LORD I couldn't feel more blessed. THANK YOU!
P.S. I of course came home and tripped on some Lego and almost cut my foot. Parenthood..
.

If only I was a Slinky...

ACCK! So today I fell down the stairs. For any of you that know me well, you're probably giggling and  thinking..."Not surprising Steph, you're kind of a klutz". Here's the thing, I had Caleb and Brayden both in my arms. We usually have a stair system, but Brayden started playing on the stairs so I just picked him up. It actually was terrifying. It was one of the first times that mommy instinct came over me physically. I felt like I went sledding down the stairs and it was all slow motion. I remember trying to keep my arms elevated enough in hopes that the boys wouldn't get hurt.  Here's the thing, no matter what you try to do with your body, if you're going down, the little ones are going down too.
GOOD NEWS!! Everyone was okay. I'm pretty sure I let out a huge yell at the bottom of the stairs and I could not manage to get up, so that sure didn't help my poor babies. But physically they were okay. I think I checked their bodies over like 10 times, making sure each hair was exactly where it was before. I really can't believe how much it scared me and yet how little control I had over their well being for a split moment.
As I thought about it for the rest of day, I realized how it was an incredible metaphor for parenting as a whole. Often times we put ourselves second to such an extent that we don't notice ourselves losing our balance. And once we fall, we may not be in full control and we become aware of how much it affects our children. I notice it sometimes when Brayden has been testing me all morning and instead of taking 5 minutes for myself to unwind and breath and process it, I make myself believe I'm super mom and suck it up. Not more than 5 minutes later I've over reacted and Brayden is in timeout because he had snot on his face. Alright...perhaps that exact example hasn't happened, but you get my point.
These kids...these babies...these humans...they are completely dependent on us. It's a whole new responsibility that shocks me probably once a week because it's completely unrealistic that a human should raise another human, isn't it? Shouldn't God himself be helping my children go down the stairs!!
It's such an incredible gift but this experience really reminded me that I'm a mother, and even the smallest things like going and down stairs have whole new meanings. As a mother I also need to make sure that I'm okay as a person, as a wife, as a woman, to make sure that my babies have a person who is stable and ready to be their guide, otherwise I might lose my balance and the fall might be painful to both myself and my family.
So that's what I'm working on personally...as for the stairs and the boys...don't worry it's not like I'll make them wear a helmet or anything when they go down the stairs...just maybe knee pads...maybe elbow pads...alright alright and a mouth guard ;)
P.S. I'm thinking my butt will be a lovely shade of purple tomorrow.

Mommy is a dreamer...

The other day Ryan and I were playing Lego's with Brayden. Brayden is pretty serious when it comes to his Lego building...what can I say, it kind of makes me proud inside to be his mommy when he builds a huge tower, ha ha. In any case I looked at Ryan and said, isn't it amazing that he will get to be anything he wants to be. I looked at Brayden and repeated the same message to him.
Ryan cut off my daydreaming with these words, "Well let's be honest, he can't really be ANYTHING he wants to be. I wanted to be an NBA player and that never happened" Although it made me laugh at the time, it was like a shot to the heart.
Some may say I'm a dreamer... and I know that I do have this unbridled and probably unrealistic view of life, that if you want something bad enough you can get it. I believe people have big dreams, small dreams...whatever, but go after them. Although my version of my dream has somewhat changed over the years (I used to want to write for Hallmark, until I learned I had to live in Kansas City to do so...darn), I look around at my life and I have to pinch myself sometimes. To me I'm living the dream, our family, my work, our home, our travels, etc...yes along the way I had to make some sacrifices, there were amazing times and challenging times but I do believe I worked hard and had a support system of people around me who continued to believe in whatever my dreams were - realistic or unrealistic as they could have been.
So I guess Ryan and I will choose to complement each others ways of supporting our kids. Ryan will remain the realistic father who will be honest with their child about certain talents (so they don't end up a contestant on American Idol who thought they could always sing because their parents told them they were good when in actuality...well you know), but I will probably always remain the dreamer, and hey if my sons have a dream of being an NBA player and they have showed me they have worked hard enough for it, you better believe I will be stocking every NBA scout trying to get my babies through the door and on that court! I guess I'm just that kind of mommy...

Here is a little something I put together a while back, but thought I would share :)

"Caleb, I want to talk to you about something very important..." 

One day you're going to do amazing things!
Like walk and talk, and explore the amazing world! Look up there Caleb!"

"Caleb, are you paying attention?!"

"Brayden, my fingers smell like milk"
"Caleb focus! As I was saying..."

"I wonder when I'll get my milk..." (-Caleb)
"You know Caleb, as your big brother, I'll always be there for you..."

"...milk, milk, milk..." (-Caleb)
"Caleb, pay attention!"
"Brayden, is it Milk time?"

"Mom, Caleb isn't paying attention!!"

"Hmmm...was that a Yes or No?"

To travel or to not travel???

The Holidays are officially over! sad face, sad face, sad face...but the 2014 is looking amazing! happy face, happy face, happy face. Now that I'm back in the swing of things I wanted to make a post today on something I realized during our time together. Ryan and I were fortunate enough get to travel with our family this holiday and apparently we are suicidal so we drove a 16 hour drive to Missouri (which turned out to be 18 hours), packed the car with all of our stuff, Christmas gifts, two boys under the age of 2 and two puppies. Yep insanity.
So for my post today I would like to apologize to any parents I have ever judged for having kids crying in an airplane, for running after their child through the airport, for looking like a crazy person with diapers flying around the change table area at the gas station and just in general to parents I have judged during travels. I now understand it is definitely a lot more challenging than I ever imagined!
Here's the ironic thing...it was also surprisingly so much more fulfilling than I ever imagined. I realized it became a lot easier when I actually decided to have fun with it. Even though I don't know a whole lot about parenting I did learn a little something and I wanted to pass it on. Oftentimes if you actually try to enjoy the traveling (for example bringing games that you would both actually like, watching a movie that you both actually wouldn't mind watching, etc) actually made the trip so much more special.
I was also hoping I could ask you all our there to give those parents a break sometimes an airplane. I don't know how Ryan and I were so fortunate, but we got to have the "good kids" on the plane (it only took me singing itsy bitsy spider about 40 times). There was another little guy on the plane with us and he was ferociously crying for about 3 hours and my heart was breaking for his mom and dad were trying every single thing they could think of and for the little guy whose ears were probably killing him. Sometimes there are uncontrollables, but I promise you the parents dealing with the kiddo's that are crying are going through a lot worse than you are, so just put some headphones on and give them a break. Trust me...you don't want Karma getting you on this one!
In any case I just want to give a shout out to everyone and say Happy Holidays, Happy New Years and like good old Ellen DeGeneres says "let's start to be kind to one another" including strangers and our children! :)

It was a "Sleep" Come True

So I know that in some guide on parenting there must be a section on the rights and wrongs of your child's sleeping habits. I remember being able to talk and clean in Braydens room while he was sleeping then slowly I got quieter and now I look like a spy tip toeing through his room. I remember him falling asleep more in his carseat than in his crib and the stuffed animal and noise machine he got to liking. I'm sure parenting "experts" would have a field day with me.
So after my parents Christmas party the other night when we all (Ryan, Brayden, Caleb, myself and the dogs) were staying in one room at my parents, I knew it might be interesting.
Brayden woke up around 2am when Ryan and I were trying to sneak around assembling a bed and started chatting with us like he was figuring out why we were in HIS room. I calmed him down and put him back to bed, when I thought he was sleeping I tip toed over to just check on him and cover him with blanket. His eyes were wide open and I swear I almost peed my pants scared. (Why are children so much scarier than adults in the dark) I slowly tip toed backwards to my sleeping area, as I did that Caleb started crying...which of course made Brayden more curious. I whispered to Brayden, don't worry, go back to bed with Bunny. I fed Caleb and then looked at his bassinet and his carseat. SCREW IT!! In the car seat he went, I swung it a little bit and asleep Caleb fell.
Just to give some perspective, Brayden usually wakes up around 6:30 and Caleb sleeps 2-3 hours at time.
In the morning, my eyes started to come unglued when I heard Brayden's little voice chatting with his Bunny. To my surprise I felt rested...too rested. It was 7:30am!! How did Brayden sleep with us in the room the whole time. More importantly, how was Caleb still sleeping. Like any sane mom I put my face abnormally close to Calebs to make sure he was breathing. Phew...He was...he was actually snoring...so cute.
I swear I almost started crying with happiness. I thought this night had chances of going terribly and it ended up being a night I got the most sleep I had gotten in almost two months and a night where Brayden really taught me a lesson. It was to give us all a little more credit. All Brayden needed was a chance to show us he could do it and sleep in the same room as us. Maybe we are more resilient than I knew. Sure our parenting style may be a little unconventional at times and I don't follow all the advice out there...but tell that to someone who didn't just get more than 5 hours of sleep with a 2 month old and a 1 and a half year old! Take that "experts"!

"Moo" went the cow. "Waaahh" went mommy.

The other day Brayden, 17 months, made a huge scene while leaving daycare. Kicking and screaming while putting him in his car seat, he actually kicked me too. When I finally got into the drivers seat I sat there almost wanting to cry. As we drove home I told Brayden "Mommy isn't talking to you on the way home because you hurt my feelings." What?!? he really had...
Brayden "chatted" on the way home and then started making his animal sounds, which we have been working on. He was doing so good with his cow and monkey sounds...so of course I started tearing up with pride. Within 5 minutes, we were "moo"ing together. Well I hope he learned his lesson...
This post is dedicated for my friend Melanie whose feelings were hurt recently too.

Sunny Weekend Realizations...

So being a mother to me this last weekend meant realizing...

That children get to discover what grass is...so funny

That men feel a sense of pride just seeing their favorite team on their baby's shirt

That straps on children's hats are there for a reason

That children think it's funny that you wear sunglasses on your face when it's clearly a chew toy! (I'll only be getting glasses under $5 from now on)

That Brayden only thinks BIG dogs are actually dogs, Canen and Tigers are obviously human!

That Starbucks should have a children's menu because they are really missing a key audience (Brayden loves their oatmeal!)

and...That weekends are so much better with my Monkeys!

Double the pleasure...Double the diapers!!

Being a mom to me means once thinking I had this perfect plan for life, when really I have as much control over my life, as I do the weather (And if you live in Winnipeg, you understand my disposition on that)

Yeppers. I'm pregnant again. And I'm not going to lie, I might have been freaking out just a tad... like a mountain size tad. Ryan was even funnier. I don't think he actually spoke for about ten minutes after he discovered the news. He just made a lot of odd faces. People were supportive and excited but loved to remind us that we were going to have two kids under the age of 2. What great news, they will be able to play and share toys! On the other hand, it also means they will have to share their parents -- from what I understand humans are harder to divide. I also recall my sister all excited and saying, "oh both your kids will be in diapers!!" Thanks Jen :)

So yes they will be about 15 months apart. When I realized this, I started to panic. Oh my perfect little plan of having Brayden be old enough to help when I was pregnant again. Infants require time, energy, and willingness to be there whenever they need. Brayden will demand the same, but with a little extra "fun" as now he is mobile and often takes Ryan and I both to corner him before he gets into mischief.
I might be exaggerating a little bit but I feel like parenting two kids under the age of 2 is like walking two dogs, and the little one is trying to stop and go to the bathroom while the big dog is pulling on their leash so hard you slip, pull the little puppy and step in the poop pile (never mind the fact that we actually have two dogs). Yep, it's like a cartoon. I understand why people make reality shows out of this stuff. I can envision it- Ryan sleeping in the living room with the baby, while midnight ESPN reruns play and me sleeping on the floor of Brayden's room with food caked on my forehead.

LOL!
STOP!! Pay attention to the following:

Even as I've been writing this, I've been smiling. Maybe I'm excited for the storm! Instead of being scared and staying inside, I'll get the courage to run outside and play in the rain. I'm excited to apply what Ryan and I have learned so far and see these two little beings grow together. I'm excited to see Brayden's face when he meets his younger sibling or maybe see him give an applause one day when the little one first learns how to crawl, or roll, or walk. I'm also excited to see the little look up to their older brother as he teaches them to do so much (including getting into mischief.)

So, will we be able to handle two under 2? I'm planning on it. I know it will be a little crazy, and we'll have to compromise on everything from trips to...sleep. But I don't want to wish that time away, because it's such a blessing and soon enough we'll look back at it,  laugh about the craziness and I'll wish I could have it all back.

The Secret to Being a Working Mom: Research in Progress!

Being a mother to me this last week has meant learning that it's okay to work and be mom.

Ages after society has made it okay to be a working mom, I found myself in an odd situation. Brayden got the stomach flu and was basically not able to go to daycare for a week. Ryan had just begun a job so we didn't think it was a good idea that he asked for days off right away, so I was basically off work or working from home throughout that week.

I found myself at home feeling bad that I couldn't be at work, and then when I was at work, I was feeling bad that I couldn't be with Brayden. I remember feeling that, "Oh my goodness, I'm a real parent" kind of sensation that came over me. I felt like I was going through an emotional crisis, which is odd because I' usually a very confident person (I know I'm really trying to go after that whole modesty thing ;))

It was not until someone took me aside at work and said, "Stop over analyzing it, You're not gonna feel okay with it because you're a parent and you're hard worker and you're a ...oh yah...human! We have sick days and personal days for a reason so when you have to use them, feel okay with that, and or just get used to not feeling okay about it! Even though it will ok, it's hard but this is what it is to be a working mom."

You should have seen my face after. ha ha, I was like a child whose candy had been stolen. I didn't know if I should cry or if I should I feel better? But she was right. This is the life of a working mom and at least I work at a place that really supports that kind of person. They never ask for me to be at work at night. They respect my time with my family. They would think it's crazy if I was at work past 6! They are really great! I think what happened was that this whole world was just new to me and it took me some time to get my head around it. 

My work has always been very important to me and nothing has ever really pulled me away from that but at the end of a day, a job is a job. I really enjoy what I do and hope to remain here as long as they'll keep me but if I ever needed to get another job, I feel confident that it would happen. Brayden though...man, he's irreplaceable. He's the best part of my day and it's a really special thing that when he was sick and down in the dumps and nothing would calm him, I would hold him and he would nuzzle into my neck and fall asleep. That's a Benefit work could never offer.

If you could please send a formal request and I'll put you in my sched.

Being a mom to me means life never being what is once was.
So I haven't written according to schedule, I do want to apologize to my 6 fans out there, ;). But in my defense, life has taken on its own life. The life of before with time and space to do nothing and being able to drop what I'm doing with a moment's notice is gone.
Our whole life is officially Mr. Brayden, or at least it feels like it at times. We were asked to go out last minute a bit ago, and we were like, sorry, we need a tad more notice to set up a sitter, or make appropriate accommodations. WHAT? I felt soooo old. Life of spontaneity was gone. I can honestly say the life of a parent... I didn't get it till I got it, ya know.
Luckily we are so blessed with my parents and a couple great sitters, so this is not me complaining, but it's just a warning to parents-to-be that you'll definitely need to prepare for a life of flexible behavior, or un-flexible behavior. And although at times it will feel like you're overwhelmed with everything "parenting" involves, I would also like to say that this really cool life has also just begun. Like my mother in law always asks, "Isn't it hard to imagine your life without this little person? It's like he's always been here." It’s true. Although weekends away and all nighters will be harder to come by in the future, little times like bath time and witnessing my son's first time eating ice-cream have made me realize what is actually meaningful and surprisingly fun!
If you have a sitter though, take advantage. Set up a time every week, or every other week to go out and remember who you are as an individual, not just a parent. I swear that it makes both the person and the parent stronger. Plus going out with your friends or your partner will also strengthen your relationships and remind yourself that there is life outside of yours, and maybe other people are going through their own version of chaos.
Last words…if you're a control freak, you might want to toss that to the side, because parenting will be one thing that spits in the face of your perfect system. If you don't believe me, just wait until you're in a restaurant and somehow have managed to get poop on your shirt!

Remembering pregnancy: I would like beets, goat cheese, perogies and toast!

Being a mom to me means taking the time to appreciate to appreciate the irony of how much nausea one goes through in pregnancy to produce a child that then vomits on you all the time.

Here is my prego friend's lunch bag today!
The poor thing just didn't know what she wanted,
so she brought it all! I totally understand!

I have a friend who is pregnant right now and every time I see her it looks like the night before was her 21st Birthday party. Hung over! Everyday she feels hung over. What a special treat this pregnancy is! First you can't even stand the smell of onions, then you want perogies smothered in them with a dallop of whipped cream and chocolate!

I feel like I talk a lot about my experience as a mother, but I want to give a shout out to my non-mommies out there, especially ones that are trying to get pregnant.

Be aware that you're first 3-4 months (yes I said FOUR!!!) may be filled with burning sensation in your throat due to acid reflex - when you least expect it, randomly vomiting in your mouth when you least expect it, letting out an incomprehensible smells - when you least expect it, bloody noses - when you least expect it... and more!

Alright now that I've probably turned everyone away from wanting to go down this lovely path, the second trimester is actually so much fun. You're feeling better, starting to show and actually are having fun with the concept that there is a little human growing inside of you. (On the other side of course this is also the phase where you feel like there is an alien inside of you! Oh ya and that part where you start to get bigger and you get your partner to shut the lights off every time they want to get close to you!) But never the less, there is a lot to look forward to! People naturally smile at you when you're out and about. Even the coldest of hearts will open a door for you.  You get special parking (that Ryan always liked more than me.) And then there is that moment when your partner rubs your belly and gives you the all knowing smile. That's a pretty good moment that make all those hung over mornings worth it.

So consider, the first few months are a boot camp of sorts. Makes you realize how strong and crazy you have to be to want to take on one of the most challenging jobs God can give a person! Making a human - and then raising it! Because guess what’s around the corner when the little tike is here? Burning sensations you'll get to feel right after child birth - when you least expect it, your baby randomly vomiting on you - when you least expect it, the most incomprehensible smells coming from their diapers (or coming out of the diapers) - when you least expect it and more…trust me…so much more!

"Ring Ring" Are you really there mom?

Being a mom this last week taught me that me to be present in the moments, especially when they involve family.
I know you all have missed me this last week. Please put your Kleenex away, because I'm back, there's no need to cry. Ryan and Brayden were gone for a week in Missouri and so I may have been a little consumed with them when they returned.  I was acting like so much had changed in the handful of days he had been gone. I swear to you, all the sudden Brayden was looking like a teenager ;)
For a few days after they returned, I didn't want to miss a moment and every time I would see him laugh or crawl or poop (ha ha, you know the red eyes), I would be right there smiling like I had just witnessed a one-of-a-kind act. A few days after, as things became more normalized around the house, I was feeding him his bottle before bed, and I caught myself trying to send some work emails on my phone at the same time. I don't know why it caught me off guard, I know I do it all the time, but in that moment I realized that often I am not present with the time I share with Brayden and probably Ryan as well. Does it take them leaving the country for me to want to ravish all those special moments. Let's face it, the email I was sending could have waited another ten minutes, goodness, it could have waited till the next day. But the moments I have with the special people in my life, whether family, friends, or pets those are taking place right in front of me!
Sometimes I think we feel like childcare is so much "work" that we forget to really enjoy it. Brayden is actually pretty hilarious right now. He's mischievous and completely adorable. To choose my phone over him, well honestly it's insulting. I get upset with Ryan if he can't take a second to look away from the hockey game to listen to me  (or basketball game...or football game...really any game on ESPN), and there's really no difference with me doing the same thing to Brayden. I'm in no way am I'm saying we don't need breaks, we are only human! But when those breaks are finished, do we actually take in the moments after that?
Life is amazing and so precious, and this last week has reminded me once again of that. So here's to SELF IMPROVEMENT! I don't care if you're a mom, an aunt, a brother, a dad, etc, I think this applies to everyone! You can choose your own goals, but the hope for myself is that I close my computer, put away my phone, open my arms and heart, and roll my sleeves up so I don't miss the good, the bad and the ugly little moments God has given me.

Cough! Cough!...Call 911!

This last week taught me that being a mom means hearing my son cough and automatically thinking he has pneumonia. So I quickly call our pediatrician and beg them to squeeze me in for an emergency check up!
"Your son just has a cold. Sorry, he is not old enough, we can't give him anything for that. It will just have to take its course."
I really like our pediatrician but when these are the OH SO comforting words that come out of her mouth, I have a mind to pin her up against the wall and threaten to choke her with her own stethoscope. This reaction could have been due to lack of sleep or just the plain heartbreak that is caused when I hear Brayden coughing and then crying because it hurts. I thought nothing would be more painful than hearing Ryan complain about being sick, but I stand corrected. ;)
So how does one know when to really go to the doctor? I know there are the standard rules about when their temperature is over 100 degrees, if they haven't pooped in like 5 days or something, if they start looking possessed like the Children of the Corn, you know, the every day-well known rules...but often times I think we should follow our gut, and just make that little trip to the doctors. I figure that the worst that happen is you walk out with peace of mind. I obviously understand that a doctor's time is precious but sometimes I would just ask the them to understand a first time mommy, and please do their job - check their throats, check their ears, check their tummies, and Yes please, give me a coupon for free goodies from the pharmacy.
Now when I'm sick, I believe a hotty totty is the solution, but I guess I can't mix a little rum into his bottle...or could I...? :) Anyone want to share natural remedies on curing your little one's colds?

Baby and Bills! Child Care...ugh.

So this last week taught me that being a mom means forking over a quarter of your income to childcare and pretending that it doesn't feel like a knife jabbing into your stomach (Add insult to injury...it's my post baby stomach).

We are blessed. Let me start with saying that. We are sooo blessed. Not only do we have everything we have but Ryan has also just gotten his Canadian residency, so he is here legally and is allowed to start working!

Having said that it means we will also be needing child care in the soon future. I was all bright eyed about finding the perfect place for my little angel, but within an hour of calling around I was starting to feel like someone in the Universe was watching me, pointing and laughing.

My two options were:

Option #1: Go to the Provincial Listings for Licensed places and being put on waiting list. "Luckily" we had already done that. We have been on waiting list for approximately 8 months now...ugh. This will get us a lovely price of around $25-$30 a day, making it $500-$600 a month.

Option #2: Go to a private child care facility, where they can charge anywhere from $35-$40 a day. This gets you a lovely price of $700-$800 a month.

I don't even want to give the annual budget for that, because it hurts too much. Let's just say that we are going to have to start travelling to the tanning salon for tropical vacations and purchasing Mac n Cheese for Italian date night. Perhaps I am exaggerating a bit, but it is quite a shocker when this reality does hit you.

I panicked for a few minutes. Ryan panicked for a day...he might still be panicking. I mean the last thing someone wants to do is look for  "bargain" on child care, right? It's like buying a Groupon for skydiving, it makes you a little nervous. You kind of want the best quality of service when you're a thousand feet in the air and throw your body out of a plane. Like that, childcare to me is something I don't really want to skimp on. My child will be in this daycare more than they are with me, so it's pretty important that it totally rocks!

So I guess we just have to embrace the new reality but as I walk around a supermarket or the mall, I feel like $ signs are floating from children's heads.  We have found a couple places that have an opening and look like it would be worth every cent, so I'm trying to be very postive about this. But is there any advice out there? How do you cope with handing over your baby and your bills?

Me cry? No... can you pass me a kleenex?

Extra Extra! Read all about it!
BRAYDEN SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!! ALL WEEK!!
So last week taught me that being a mom means staring at your baby monitor, tears building up, waiting for your son to wake up because you missed him since he went to bed. 
So this morning, Brayden woke up and I was EXCITED! So excited! I believe I skipped over to his crib, singing a tune in my head, he smiled at me, I picked him up and said, "I missed you!" Why is it that being a parent has made me into a bi-polar woman?
It's like this...one moment I'm exhausted, talking like chipmunk with Mr. Bunny (Brayden's best sleeping friend) willing Brayden to sleep so I can go change into clean clothes that don't have sweet potato crusted on them. The next moment I'm perched at the edge of his crib, watching him sleep like some kind of stalker, tears of joy filing up in my eyes, hoping he'll wake up.
I'm kind of a control freak, so not even being able to control myself is mind boggling sometimes. I'm sure someone warned me about this hormonal dysfunction that has now become My Personality, but I would like to pass on my experience to others so they are not so startled.
Ladies, mothers, mothers-to-be, and more...I HEAR YOUR CRIES...and let me tell you...It's okay.
It's okay if you start crying because your baby never sleeps through the night, or because you didn't have a chance to get a work-out in this morning and now feel bloated, or because you can't find a clean shirt in your closet, or because half your hair has been pulled out by your baby, or because your husband didn't understand you needed sweet potatoes, not regular potatoes. Its' okay.
And guess what? It's also okay to cry when your child does sleep through the night, or because he plays with your hands when you feed him his bottle, or because he laughs like a hyena when he's in his jumper, or because he did the cutest thing with his lips, or just because the child smiles at you. It's okay.
As I see it, it's okay to cry...whenever, however (even that embarrassing snot running out of your nose cry), for whatever reason that little angel gives you. The only other option is that I'm insane, and have completely lost my mind...and I don't really like that option very much . Everyone knows that I'm totally normal, so I guess this emotional dynamic is too. You don't have to take my advice on this, and you cal tell yourself, "When I become a mother I will that totally cool person that keeps it all together and is always fabulous!" but when you start feeling like a stalker, psychopath, menopausal woman, give me a call, we can go to Starbucks, grab a coffee and cry about it. 

What's your Happy Meal?

Being a mom to me means blatantly ignoring people's advice and feeding Bradyen almost everything on my plate.

Oh oh oh...the "extra" advice I have received on what to feed my child. Don't feed him too much fruit! Don't feed him too much meat! Don't feed him anything with spices. Are you really feeding him avocado? Are you really feeding him beef? Are you really feeding him Wasabi?...hee hee, jk..

I truly believe that to each is their own. For example, a lot of people use store bought baby food and good for them, but this is one little thing I like to do on my own. You should see the lovely combinations you can make with sweet potato, chicken and strawberries. I get into my kitchen, and for just a few moments I become a "Julia Childs" kind of woman. Julia Childs would probably roll her eyes at me for comparing me steaming and "Magic Bullet" pureeing vegetables with her delicious cooking. But I really do love it. This may be because I end up eating a good 25% of Brayden's food (a conversation for another day) and I actually want to think it tastes good...I know shocking!

Sometimes I even like to sneak strawberries and apple sauce into his other food to sway him into eating. OHHHH people don't like that. If you feed him sweet stuff, he won't like other stuff. NEGATIVOOO! (That's a word right?) This little trick has actually helped him try more things. SO THERE!...woops, teenager in me just came out.

Sometimes I want to look at the judgmental looks and say, Excuse me,  I'm not judging your ugly shoes so don't judge me feeding my baby! I created a HUMAN BEING for goodness sake! Perhaps this is my own diluted confidence but I think it's important for parents to remember that with a little common sense we might be able to figure out how to KEEP THEM ALIVE. Just because people have different tactics doesn't means they are bad or good, simply different.

Quite frankly, as long as the tummy aches are at a low and there are no burning bottoms, well then I'll sneak a little gosh darn strawberry into his chicken if I want to.:) In the back of my mind, I feel like if Brayden starts exploring different flavors right now, he might be a bit more adventurous in the future. Maybe he will be more willing to travel one day...maybe he'll know more languages...or maybe he'll have his own restaurant  with a baby friendly menu that's entitled "The Real Happy Meal."

Sleep Tight...Don't Let the "Silence" Bite!

This week has taught me that being a mom means:

A full night of uninterrupted sleep is not as sweet as I had thought.

Ryan and Brayden are in Missouri right now. I miss my little family. I remember when I left them there, I said goodbye and Ryan said to me, "Enjoy sleeping".

Ugh! I should be mad at him because he totally jinxed it. Since I have been home, I have gotten to sleep straight through the night. Beautiful right? NOT!! I have woken up completely exhausted. A couple nights I couldn't even get to sleep till 2 am. My perfect sleep has not happened and in fact has left me more tired than before.

Apparently waking up at 2 am, and dealing with a crying baby, formula all over my shorts and dogs wanting to go outside is my perfect recipe for a good night sleep. Now I'm counting down the days till I see my family and even though I will complain the first night Ryan tells me it's my turn to get Brayden in the middle of the night, I will secretly be smiling.